Group is Now in Session
by HowlynMad
Summary: New Chapter REVISED- You heard it here first..our favorite villains are in group therapy with Dr. Lecter. Literally, spilling their guts... or someone's guts. ADULT humor. It's rude and crude and all about silly. You have been warned.
1. Welcome to Group

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these guys though I love em all. This is what happens when you stay up until 3 am on Halloween...

Group is Now in Session

[Lecter]...We have an observer this evening, a colleague of mine, Dr. Herbert West. So before we begin I'd like everyone to introduce themselves.

[Candyman]...You a shrink too?

[West]...No, a Re-Animator actually.

[Freddy]...Maybe you can resurrect Jason's dead brain cells.

[Jason]...Grunts.

[Candyman]...I'll go first I guess. I'm the Candyman and I'm a vengeful spirit.

[All]...Hi Candyman.

[Jason]...(Grunts)

[Candyman]...He doesn't talk much but that's Jason Vorhees, also a vengeful spirit.

[Freddy]...And dumb as a brick.

[All]...Hi Jason!

[Lecter]...Wait your turn, please. Next.

[Pinhead]...I am Pinhead, Black Bishop in the Order of the Gash. Bringer of pain and pleasure to all who solve the puzzle.

[Candyman]...(interrupting) Yada, yada, yada.

[Michael Myers]...(snickers)

[Pinhead]...I am Demon to some. Angel to others.

[All]...Hi Pinhead!

[Candyman]...(points) And this here is my man Michael Myers. He's a personification of rage. It's a Druid thing apparently.

[Michael Myers]...(waves)

[All]...Hi Michael.

[Lecter]...(looking at Freddy) All right, your turn.

[Freddy]...(clicking his finger knives) Freddy's the name and mayhem's the game!

[Lecter]...And tell Doctor West what you are.

[Freddy]...Your worst nightmare.

[Pinhead]...That's subjective.

[Lecter]...Let's talk a little about what each of us does. It will help us gain insight into what drives us.

[Freddy]...How about I drive a fork into your eye, MunchMan? That'll give you some insight.

[Michael Myers]...(frantically waves his arm in the air)

[Lecter]...You should have gone before we started the session, Michael.

[Pinhead]...Excuse me Dr. Lecter, but I believe he's volunteering to fork you.

[Michael Myers]...(nods enthusiastically)

[Lecter]...Mr. Krueger you seem to have a lot of issues with authority.

[Jason]...Grunts.

[Pinhead]...I would be gratified to give Mr. Krueger a lesson in discipline.

[Candyman]...Kinky.

[Freddy]...You ain't my type Pinny, I don't go for guys in skirts.

[Pinhead]...It's a cassock.

[Candyman]...Someone's in denial.

[Lecter]...Gentlemen please, let's stay on topic.

[Candyman]...Why bother? It always comes down to the same topic in the end. Who's scarier?

[All]...(nod)

[Lecter]...Here we go again.

[Pinhead]...I would think that would be obvious.

[Freddy]...Yep, it is obvious, obviously ME!

[Candyman]...You're insane.

[Freddy]...Your point?

[Jason]...Grunts.

[Freddy]...Come on Candyass, er I mean Candyman, your thing was bees! I mean come on, BEES! How scary is that?

[Candyman]...(Coughs up a bee that promptly stings Jason who retaliates by swinging a large machete. Everyone dives for cover.)

[Freddy]...Besides I've spawned six sequels and a television series. I get invited to all the parties!

[Michael Myers]...(snickers)

[Freddy]...You have something to say?

[Michael Myers]...(shakes his head and places a finger over his lips)

[Freddy]...Why the hell are you mute anyway?

[Freddy]...I mean Jason, we all know he's a moron which is why he doesn't speak.. but what's your excuse.

[Jason]...Grunts.

[Candyman]...Leave the poor manifestation of rage alone! I mean the only thing he's got going for him is a Bill Shatner mask and Mr. Goodwrench's wardrobe.

[Freddy]...(shudders) Shatner.

[Candyman]...Besides we all know how you've gone Hollywood Freddy. And we know you've had your scar tissue lifted!

[Freddy]...Did not!

[Candyman]...Did to!

[Pinhead]...I'm into leather and chains myself.

[Lecter]...We accept your lifestyle choices without judgement.

[Pinhead]...I am pain.

[Freddy]...(rolls eyes) Pain in the ass you mean.

[Jason]...(pulls worms from his nose holes)

[Pinhead]...Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?

[Freddy]...(chants) Mama's boy, mama's boy. Couldn't even kill his own victims had to get his mommy to do it.

[Jason]...Grunts.

[Candyman]...That's not fair Freddy. Jason was just a late bloomer. He's made up for it.

[Freddy]...MAMA'S BOY!

[Candyman]...Pedophile!

[Lecter]...Gentlemen! We are here to explore our issues not to squabble amongst ourselves! Let's take a break before beginning again.

TBC

Ok people, let me know. Would you like me to continue the "therapy"? If you have any ideas for characters that should join the group, post em in your review and if I like em I'll see what I can do.


	2. Dolly Dearest

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these guys though I love em all.  
  
PPM: Chucky's just for you. Thanks for the idea!  
  
Group is Now in Session  
  
[Lector]......(holding an oversized doll) If everyone will return to their seats we will continue.  
  
[Candyman]......What the hell is that?  
  
[Freddy]......(grinning) I like toys.  
  
[Chucky]......(from Lector's arms) F**k you, you burnt faced *&&%$$#$%#%&^*&^  
  
[Pinhead]......Charming.  
  
[Lector]......This is Chucky and he's an enchanted doll.  
  
[Chucky]......Possessed! You f**king #*&^%$%$ flesh eating #*&^&%$% I am POSSESSING the doll.  
  
[Jason]......(Grunts)  
  
[Michael Myers]......(covers his ears)  
  
[Candyman]......Hey now, watch the potty mouth! Michael is sensitive to that stuff. We don't want him going all slice and dice on us.  
  
[Freddy]......Speak for yourself.  
  
[Lector]......(sits doll on chair) Chucky has some inadequacy issues that tend to manifest in rage.  
  
[Candyman]......And potty mouth.  
  
[Michael Myers]......(nods)  
  
[Freddy]......(a large knife materializes in Freddy's hand)  
  
[Chucky]......Well you try getting laid with a half inch dinky! It would make anyone a bit cranky!  
  
[Pinhead]......Did he just say "dinky"?  
  
[Candyman]......Did he just say half inch!?  
  
[Freddy]......(offers the knife to Michael) Here ya go kid!  
  
[Michael Myers]......(stares at knife)  
  
[Freddy]......(leans in close and whispers) Jason's been doin yer sister!  
  
[Michael Myers]......(rises and stabs Jason repeatedly)  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Freddy]......(laughing maniacally) Party on!!  
  
[Lector]......Mr. Myers sit down right this second! Or I will be forced to revoke your slashing privileges for a week!  
  
[Michael Myers]......mumbles  
  
[Freddy]......Whoa! Did you just say something?  
  
[Michael Myers]......(sulks)  
  
[Candyman]......Freddy, you're a bad influence on the boy.  
  
[Freddy]......(chuckling) God I hope so!  
  
[Pinhead]......Could we please leave that deity out of the discussion?  
  
[Chucky]......(nods knowingly) Family issues.  
  
[Freddy]......(laughs) Who's your Daddy?  
  
[Lector]......I think we are all missing the point here. We all traffic in fear, in our own ways.  
  
[Freddy]......If someone doesn't kick this into high gear soon, I'm going to show the lot of you what "real" fear is.  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Candyman]......Sticks and stones.  
  
[Pinhead]......I am adept at using sticks and stones as well as finer instruments of torture and pain.  
  
[Lector]......Mr. Krueger using supernatural powers in group is strictly forbidden.  
  
[Freddy}......(tapping his blades) And I give a fuck, why?  
  
[Lector]......Lets all try and curb our homicidal natures for the moment. Take a deep breath. Come on all of you.. even if you don't normally breathe.  
  
[Chucky]......This bites!  
  
[Lector]......There are sandwiches on the table for everyone to enjoy.  
  
[Jason]......Grunts and grabs a sandwich.  
  
[Candyman]......What kind?  
  
[Lector]......Why sweet meats of course.  
  
They all nibbled in silence.  
  
More? Any character suggestions? I am having SO much fun! Freddy rules! 


	3. Look Who Creeped In

DISCLAIMER: I don't own em but I may maim em!  
  
NOTE: Thanks to everyone for their support and character suggestions. You guys are pretty funny yourselves! Anyway keep em coming! This chapter includes "the Creeper" my favorite rubber suit monster. Thanks again PPM.  
  
(Start shameless self promotion) I also have a serious Freddy fanfic to post. One that is properly gruesome! So check it out! (end shameless self promotion)   
  
PLEASE NOTE..the rating in this section is R (so if you're too young, go away) due to naughty language and crude references. What can I say? Boys will be boys!  
  
Group is Now in Session  
  
(a large winged figure slips from the shadows and stands in the corner)  
  
[Candyman]......Who's that?  
  
[Freddy]......(looking) Oh, that's just the Creeper.  
  
[Candyman]......Well what's he doing over there.  
  
[Freddy]......Creepin! (laughs at own joke)  
  
[Michael Myers]......(goes to investigate)  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Lector]......Everyone had enough finger food? All right, now that we've all calmed down a bit, let's get back to the topic at hand.  
  
[Pinhead]......Which was?  
  
[Freddy]......Chucky's teenie weenie.  
  
[Chucky]......Shut the f**k up! You *&%%#@@%^&&*&^%$  
  
[Freddy]......Are you one of those dolls that wets it's pants?  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Chucky]......*&%$%$%$#&%*& At least I didn't get beat down by a GIRL!  
  
[Michael Myers]......(pokes Creeper with his knife)  
  
[Candyman]......Michael don't do that.  
  
[Freddy]......No, you just got your ass whooped by a six year old boy!  
  
[Michael Myers]......(continues to poke Creeper)  
  
[Freddy]......(to Chucky) So tell me, what's the real story with you and Barbie? She put out or what?  
  
[Chucky]......&*&^&^%$#@@!#@&^%*&&*^%%$^%$  
  
[Freddy]......Hey Michael! Get over here! Leave the panty sniffer alone!  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Pinhead]......Ah, a fetish. My type of conversation.  
  
[Candyman]......Ew, does he really do that?   
  
[Creeper]......(flaps his wings in anger)  
  
[Freddy]......(materializes a giant fly swatter)  
  
[Lector]......No lifestyle judgements please. We all have our little "interests"  
  
[Freddy]......(to Lector) Your little "interests" Doc, give a whole new meaning to "eating p*ssy"  
  
[Chucky]......(laughs hysterically)  
  
[Michael Myers]......(snickers)  
  
[Candyman]......You're one to talk Freddy.  
  
[Michael Myers]......(hums Mr. Sandman.. Bring me a dream...)  
  
[Freddy]......(sings) Candyman's got jungle feverrr, jungle feverrr.  
  
[Lector]......We were going to discuss our callings and what motivates us. Lets stick to that. Who would like to go first?  
  
[All]......(looking at spot on ceiling)  
  
[Pinhead]......(starts)I am always willing to educate the unenlightened in the ways of suffering..  
  
[Freddy]......Well keep talking Pinny, cause we're suffering all right.  
  
[Pinhead]......Do not call me "Pinny"  
  
[Freddy]......So tell me Pinny, what "other" body parts you got pierced?  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Michael Myers]......(giggles and makes an obscene gesture involving anatomy)  
  
[Chucky]......(to Michael) You think?  
  
[Michael Myers]......(nods)  
  
[Chucky]......(looks at Pinhead) Whatever floats your boat I guess.  
  
[Pinhead]......I am an expert in the ways of torture. See this divine instrument?   
  
(holds up a curved blade with serrated edges)  
  
It can flay a man end to end as well as......  
  
[Freddy]......As well as slice and dice and make julian fries! WHO CARES!?   
  
[Lector]......You seem a bit hostile Mr. Krueger. Is there anything you'd like to share about your experiences?  
  
[Candyman]......Why would you want to encourage him?  
  
[Freddy]......(evil little grin) Well, if you REALLY want to know!  
  
TBC  
  
More? Am I on the mark? Missing it by a mile? And who else can I play with muahahahahha! 


	4. Freddy's Rant

DISCLAIMER: I don't own em but I may maim em!  
  
(Start shameless self promotion) I also have a serious Freddy fanfic to post. One that is properly gruesome! So check it out! (end shameless self promotion)   
  
NOTE: A lot of people seem to want to see Leatherface in the story but I'm ashamed to say that its been so long since I've seen TCM that I'm not sure I'd do the character any justice. I may be ribbing "the boys" a bit but I do love em all and want to do well by them. This section is a bit more topical so hopefully people are up on the jokes.  
  
I envision the Creeper's voice being reptilian(ish). If you have the dvd (which I do) you will find in the deleted scenes that the Creeper did indeed speak. I do think they were right in keeping him mute though. He was much "creepier"  
  
Group is Now in Session  
  
[Lector]......Of course we're interested Mr. Krueger. Please continue.  
  
[Candyman]......This is going to get ugly.  
  
[Creeper]......(juggles four decapitated heads)  
  
[Michael Myers]......(applauds)  
  
[Chucky]......(laughing) Couldn't be any uglier than Freddy's face!  
  
[Freddy]......(slashes Chucky's head off and tosses it to the Creeper)  
  
[Creeper]......(continues to juggle with Chucky's head)  
  
[Chucky]......%$#@!%#&%%(*~#^^%*^&^%^%$%$#$#@#^&^%*(*^$#$#@#!~  
  
[Lector]......Now, was that really necessary Mr. Krueger?  
  
[Freddy]......(chuckling) I thought the Creeper could use a little head!  
  
[Candyman]......(throws up hands)I warned you. But no one ever listens to me.  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Creeper]......(hissing like a snake) I can ssssew it back on.  
  
[Pinhead]......I have seen your work Creeper. You are quite talented with needle and thread. Where did you learn your art?  
  
[Creeper]......(hissing) Martha SSSSStewart.  
  
[Michael Myers]......(covers head)  
  
[Freddy]......When did that bitch get outta Hell?  
  
[Candyman]......(comforting) There, there, Michael it's alright. I have a feeling she'll be back in her cage soon enough.  
  
[Chucky]......It's a good thing!(keening laughter)  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Creeper]......(sews Chucky's head back on)   
  
[Lector]......Mr. Krueger, you were going to discuss what's been bothering you.  
  
[Freddy]......(rings hands, bemoaning) I'm misunderstood!! All I've ever wanted was to be good, to stay married, and raise my daughter! You know I have a soft spot for children!  
  
[Michael Myers]......(rolls eyes)  
  
[Candyman]......Yea, you and Michael Jackson.  
  
[Lector]......(to Freddy) This is group. Straight talk only. Remember?  
  
[Jason]......(holds up sign that says, "I belong to the Kobe Bryant fan club")  
  
[All]......(stare)  
  
[Michael Myers]......(snickers)  
  
[Creeper]......(raises his head and sniffs the air)  
  
[Chucky]......Wasn't me.   
  
[Freddy]......Not me.  
  
[Michael Myers]......(shakes head)   
  
[Jason]......Grunts.   
  
[Creeper]......I like the ssssmell of death.  
  
[Freddy]......That would be Jason's feet.  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Chucky]......(to Freddy)So says the crispy critter. Do you come with BBQ sauce?  
  
[Jason]......Grunts.  
  
[Candyman)......(sighing) Why didn't I just go back to the grave when I had the chance?  
  
[Lector]......Are you going to continue Mr. Krueger or no?   
  
[Freddy]......All right, all right! I'm pissed off that I work my ass off killing in the most inventive and amusing ways I can think of, but do I get any respect? NO! I get Freddy vs Jason that's what I get.  
  
[Lector]......This is good, very good Mr. Krueger. Let it out.  
  
[Jason]..Grunts.  
  
[Freddy]......I'm sick and tired of being locked in my boiler room just because someone thinks that good always triumphs over evil. It's just not true! I mean have you ever been to New Jersey!?   
  
[Michael Myers]......(pats Freddy on the shoulder)  
  
[Candyman]......Well in all fairness it becoming harder and harder to genuinely scare the masses these days. Everyone's gotten very jaded.  
  
[Pinhead]...... Fear is not the point. Pain and suffering are.  
  
[Chucky]...... Well that explains Hellraiser 6.  
  
[Freddy]...... (sits sulking)  
  
[Lector]...... I'd like to continue in this direction after a brief break. Everyone stretch your legs or claws. Whatever you... CHUCKY not THAT!  
  
TBC  
  
Please stroke the author's ego. It makes me think evil twisted thoughts:) 


	5. Horror of Hilton

OH MY GOD, it lives

OH MY GOD, it lives! Yes, a new chapter has been added. What can I say, dying is easy, comedy is hard. So after an extended stay in a padded room (you only _think_ I'm kidding).. I have come up with this..

Oh.. and as required by this website…warning, warning, warning, sexual innuendo, trash-talk, and smutty jokes ahead.

I like to call this next little chapter…

The Horror of Hilton

Lecter: Settle down everyone. If there are no objections I would like to turn the floor over to my colleague Doctor West.

West: For this part of the session I would like to try a little experiment.

Chucky: Now there's a leep &%# shocker.

Freddy: Here Kitty, kitty.

Jason: Grunts

Michael Myers: (raises hand enthusiastically)

West: Yes, Michael?

Michael Myers: (whispers to Candyman)

Candyman: He wants to know if you brought any body parts to play with.

West: No, I'm sorry, I didn't.

Michael Myers: (Looks sad under his mask)

West: Well.. maybe just one. (hands Michael a finger puppet… made from real fingers)

Freddy: Hey Doc, maybe you can give Jason a brain? .. Or anything else that might have fallen off.

Michael Myers: (hums "off to see the wizard")

Chucky: What do you have against the hockey puck anyway?

Freddy: Hey! No one gets to use _my_ head as a fashion accessory!

Candyman: Here we go again.

Jason: (smiling.. sorta) Grunts

West: Gentlemen, your attention please. I'd like to bring in two victims, er two volunteers, and have each one of you tell me why you should be the one to dispatch them.

Freddy: Hell, that's easy. I'm Freddy Kreuger, the man of your dreams. Game over!

West: I'll base my decision on things like method, creativity, and overall performance.

Jason: Grunts

West: I've chosen two of the most useless and annoying "volunteers" that I could find on short notice. Oh, and because they were willing to do the obligatory "booby shot". May I introduce self proclaimed, heiress/actress/singer (snorts) Paris Hilton… and her side-kick Nicole what's-her-name.

Everyone: (screams and dives for cover)

West: (looking around) Now, now, it's all right.

Pinhead: Such horror! Those empty eyes, that vacuous smile..

Chucky: I think I hear the wind whistling between her ears.

Candyman: No, that's just Michael.

Michael Myers: (whistling) Mister Sandman…

Freddy: Honest mistake.

West: Say hello everyone.

Everyone: Hi Paris. Hi What's-her-name.

Paris: I am like so hot.

Chucky: You call those "boobies?" Look more like mosquito bites to me

Freddy: Where's Pam Anderson when you need her?

Chucky: You know she wasn't bow-legged until she married Tommy Lee.

Candyman: (places hand over Michael's eyes)

Freddy: Myers was twenty one when he killed sixteen people. That's old enough to smoke, drink, .. and look at boobies.

Chucky: You sure that Nicole chick's not a zombie? She looks awful boney. Hey Mikey, better hide the finger toy before she tries to eat it.

Michael Myers: (puts finger-puppet in pocket) (it promptly crawls out and skitters away)

Jason: Grunts

West: Why don't you tell us a little about yourself Miss Hilton. Give us a little motivation for murder.

Freddy: Like we need any motivation.

Paris: Well, my name is.. (looks at cue card) Paris. That's, like, a city.. like, in France.

Pinhead: This one makes Britney Spears look like mother of the year doesn't she.

Creeper: (Bangs head on floor)

Paris: What's-her.. Nicole and I are happy to be here (shows cue card with happy face on it)

Candyman: Jesus, these two would show up at Home Depot.. for a door opening. (ba dum dum)

Paris: Wow, like, a whole room full of homicidal killers. That is so hot.

Nicole: Homo-cidal? Why are all the men I meet gay?

Jason: Grunts.

Chucky: Did you see that movie One Night in Paris?

Freddy: (roars with laughter) Yeah, what a town. Paris is like Vegas.. open all night!

Creeper: (digs out own eyes with a spoon)

Chucky: Oh Fu%#&.. Creepers gone all hari-kari on us!

Nicole: (nodding) That happens when you don't get a regular Brazilian.

Freddy: (crosses legs) Ouch!

Chucky: Can we just & kill them already?

Pinhead: Wouldn't that be redundant since they're already brain-dead?

West: Brain-dead is relative. You wouldn't believe what I've seen walking around.

Freddy: (looking at Jason) Yeah, I would.

Jason: Grunts

Nicole: Would you believe I got these shoes at Sach's for only seven hundred dollars? They're made of baby Koala bear. How do you think they get..

Creeper: (sews her mouth shut)

Everyone: (applauds)

Paris: That is like so hot.

Candyman: Will someone please do something. My eyes are starting to bleed.

Freddy: Hey Pinny, step up to the plate, man... er whatever you are.

Pinhead: And spend an eternity in Hell with that? I don't think so. We do have standards.

Freddy: I'd do it myself in her dreams.. if she ever had a thought in that sack of hay she calls a head. Nothing to work with, sorry.

Chucky: What a bunch of puss&$#. How hard can it be? Hey Paris, daddy just called to say he cancelled all your credit cards.

Paris: Screams (faints)

Michael Myers: (pokes her with a stick)

Freddy: She dead?

Candyman: I'm not that lucky.

Jason: (offers Paris his machete)

Freddy: Well ain't that cute. Grunt's gotta crush.

TBC

It's been a while. Hopefully I'm not too rusty. Coming soon.. Jason and Paris sitting in a tree.. K.. I.. S...S. I.. N..G.. well not really.. cause neither one of them can spell.. HA! HA! HA! (um, erm)

And thanks to everyone for the continued support in your reviews. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that gets the joke….HowlynMad


	6. Who Let the Dogs Out?

Group is in Session

Warning: In case you didn't already know, this story contains vulgar humor. It's childish, rude, and full of innuendo. If that's not your thing, then STOP now before you get all offended.

Who Let the Dogs Out

Lecter: Now that we are back in session after removing those scank… volunteers, we can delve further into any issues…

Freddy: Look over there. Is that the blob?

CandyMan: (looking) No, that's Honey BooBoo's mother.

Chucky: Who left the barn door open?

Pinhead: The quality of our interactions is becoming hellish.

Jason: Grunts

Chucky: What is that?! (points at doorway)

Freddy: It's hideous! Bloody, black and blue.

Chucky: Look at how it shambles!

Michael: (whispers to CandyMan)

CandyMan: Michael says it's a zombie.

Chucky: No zombies, no zombies! They smell bad.

Freddy: Couldn't smell any worse than old hockey mask over there. Grunt for me, baby! (thumps chest)

Jason: (glares) (then grunts)

CandyMan: Don't be such a big baby. It's only Rhianna.

Freddy: She must'a ran into Chris Brown in the hall.

Chucky: You mean she ran into a door.

Freddy: Yeah, sure, that's what I meant.

Jason: (grunts)

Freddy: I'm really itching to kill somebody. Who we got in the closet, Doc?

West: Let me check. (rummages) How's this?

All: (weapons at ready)

Freddy: You have any idea how long I've waited for this.

Pinhead: No longer than I. I assure you.

CandyMan: (peeks) What's that little thing jumping up and down in the corner?

Chucky: What's it saying?

Freddy: It's a Bieber.

Chucky: A what? A beaver? You know, at my eye level, I've seen plenty of beavers and while I can see the resemblance… they don't usually sing.

Pinhead: What is a Bieber?

Freddy: That's singing?

CandyMan: Apparently, it's a tantrum throwing man-child with an over-inflated sense of importance.

Pinhead: I thought that was Charlie Sheen?

Chucky: Well, someone step on it already! That whiney voice is grating on my nerves.

Freddy: You might want to set him on fire first, he looks like he's got a load in his pants.

Pinhead: I believe that's just a fashion statement.

Freddy: Yeah? What's the message? Even my pants don't wanna get that close?

West: Why don't you just feed him to Demi Moore? She'll eat him alive _and_ take all his money.

Jason: Grunts.

Freddy: Demi Moore? She's the animal lover, right?

Chucky: Yeah, she's got three dogs. Scout, Rumer, and Tallulah.

Freddy: Aww, That's sweet.

Chucky: Yeah, they're a real part of the family. Here poochie, poochie.

CandyMan: What happened to the dumb as a brick, boy toy?

Chucky: He got fleas.

Freddy: That's what happens when you let the dogs sleep with you.

Chucky: I guess Demi didn't like it when her mid-life crisis jumped outta bed and yelled, "You got punk'd!"

Michael: (Whispers)

CandyMan: Michael wants to know if their relationship qualifies as necrophilia.

Pinhead: I believe the old hag was technically still alive at the time but her soul died long ago.

Chucky: (shakes head) And I thought _Jason_ had mommy issues, at least he didn't marry his.

Freddy: (laughing) I just figured he wanted to grow a beard! (wink wink, nudge nudge)

Jason: Grunts

CandyMan: I understand he's dating a pretty little imp now. She's bilingual.

Freddy: Well, I hope he's a cunning linguist.

West: (rummages deeper in the closet)

CandyMan: Is that a moose?

Freddy: Khloe Kardassian.

CandyMan: Close enough.

Chucky: (dancing) I like big butts and I cannot lie…

Jason: Grunts.

Pinhead: Kanye sold his soul to the devil.

Chucky: I think he should ask for a refund.

Freddy: (laughs) Kanye or the devil?

CandyMan: Which one is the devil?

Freddy: Well, let's see, the mom is the wicked witch of the west…

Chucky: She eats her young.

Freddy: And castrates anything that has balls.

CandyMan: Ahhh, that explains Khloe.

Chucky: Hurry! Someone drop a house on her! Or at least a law suit...

Jason: Grunts.

Pinhead: The devil is the one with the enormous ass.

Chucky: (snorts) Like that narrows it down.

Michael: (holds up sign) Rush Limbaugh?

Candyman: No, Michael, that's just an assho$$ with an enormous ass.

Michael: (nods in understanding)

Jason: Grunts.

REVISION: I'm much happier with the revisions. It's still silly but better defined silliness. If you enjoyed the jokes let me know.

I want to apologize for this chapter, up front. I am really out of practice, writing comedy. I don't envy stand-ups or writers of sit-coms. It makes me appreciate Big Bang even more.


End file.
